NLP are currently working with writer Alan Kelly to develop his novel The Tar Factory into a new play for 2010.
There's Crazy D, Big Chuck Mcf**k, Mad Dog an me
Crazy D had planted the idea in Mad Dog's head. Slice yer leg off, accident like, an it's worth forty grand. But Crazy D bottled it and Mad D he lost his happy head - had to go elsewhere for his forty Gs didn't he? Least he still had his leg but.
So how does a tar man make a few extra bob for the boozer? Ah'm warning you it's not pretty. Gang bangs, bribery, scams and jobbyjabbers this is some story. Wait till I tell you . .
The Crazy Gang are sitting in the van, Hovis, the superintendent walks up.
HOVIS: C'mon tae f**k ya shower ah lazy f******s yees. Time tae get yer erses in gear. Yees are no paid tae sit aboot aw day dain f**k aw yees ken. Yees are paid tae f****n work.
DENZO: Aw c'mon tae f**k big man. Ye canny lay tar in that.
HOVIS: Yees are no layin tar. There's other work for yees. Yees can go oot an clean drains.
DENZO: Clean f***n drains? Aw for f**k sake man they'll be f****n frozen solid. Look (showing him paper) there's a f****n polar bear frozen to death just down the road there in the zoo.
HOVIS: Ah well, ye ken, that's glesga zoo. Yees are no workin in the zoo. If yees find one lyin aboot the streets of Coatbridge let me know an ah'll mibbe think aboot it. Noo get yer f****n erses oot there.
"Unpretentious, human, moving and funny. Alan Kelly gives us a man with true grit and a real practical morality. Mad Dog protects the underdog but beware those who misuse their power. This deserves to sell more copies than Trainspotting. The Tar Factory is f**kin magic. A surprise hunner quid Giro on a wet Tuesday in February."
Warning - strong language throughout!